So a few weeks in and reality has hit.
Isla-Rose is now a fully fledged member of the education system and I can’t help but feel so sad for her, or maybe I feel sad for me. You see she is my little lady, I’ve spent the last 4 years of her life with this girl and any time I haven’t spent with her I’ve been updated on what she’s been doing or had a diary filled in with things she’s said and done.
Now I stand at the school gate, always the first one there and the first in line to get her back. Her Teacher makes eye contact with me, ‘Isla-Rose’ she shouts, I’m excitedly waiting, five more children are called, they all run out of class over to their person. Ten more children pass, I try to make eye contact again, ‘Isla-Rose’ her Teacher calls again. She’s almost always the last one out, well after I’ve sent her back in for her water bottle/cardigan/coat. During that time of searching I stand and once again make intense ‘please tell me what she’s been doing’ sort of eye contact, ‘she’s been fine today, she’s really funny isn’t she and so polite!’ I go to ask her what sort of jokes she’s been telling and she’s already onto calling out other names or informing another parent about their child’s fall at playtime (the important stuff!)
Dammit I want to know everything she’s done, I want a detailed explanation of who she sits with and what kind of funny things she says, I want to know how many time she went down the slide and exactly how much of her dinner she ate, how many times her water bottle has been refilled and if she was uncontrollably laughing today, or if anything upset her. Instead I get a ‘I’m too tired to talk mommy’.
She does finally tell me about something, how she dressed up as India (yes the country). She then repeats over and over ‘ahh grassyass’ her new favourite word! She slips out that she had sausage mash and peas for lunch, just as I’m serving her sausage mash and peas for dinner!
Sunday night comes around again too fast, we go through our usual routine of questions, what’s made you smile today? What’s made you laugh? Did anything make you sad? What did you learn today? Then suddenly she has tears in her eyes and says ‘what if I miss you tomorrow again?’ I don’t have any advice for her, I sit there and tears fill my eyes too. I don’t know what to advise because I feel just as sad as she does. I look at her like I’m about to give her some good advice and she interrupts to tell me ‘just put your hand on your heart and say I am always in your heart’.
I don’t have any good advice to give about this, nothing that will make it any easier anyway! The only thing I can say is enjoy it, enjoy the pre school times because once they’re in they’re in!
I am proud of my girl and the new challenges she faces, all the new bits of information she will bring home, all the new experiences (like dressing up as a country) but I cannot help but think she is just too young to be that independent. Maybe it’s just I’m not ready for her to be that independent.
Time for the hand on the heart…
Until next time